The Bar Is Not The Best Place For This
by Chrliii
Summary: A conversation between Barney and Robin. Set after Shelter Island 4x05 . Short.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Not mine. Though that would be AWESOME!_

_Please drop a word if you like it. (ha!)_

She was sitting at the bar, alone. He supposed she couldn't very well go talk Ted through his break-up with Stella after their conversation at the wedding. He decided to play it casual. Like they were just friends at a bar. Like she didn't haunt every second of every night and every day. Like he hadn't cursed himself a hundred thousand times for messing up his second and probably last chance of sleeping with her.

"What up, Scherbatsky?" He sounded careless, as usual. But then, he already knew he could act or he and his company would be rotting in Guantanamo by now.

"Barney."

But she sounded cold. And she didn't even bother to look up. That wasn't usual. And he couldn't help asking. Stupid love.

"What's wrong?" His voice was carefully measured to sound just unconcerned enough.

"Nothing's wrong. Why would you think that, I wonder? Why would you think that something you could do would make me feel bad?"

When she was angry, her Canadian accent came out. He wondered when he had started thinking it was endearing instead of stupid. Probably around that time he fell madly in love with her. He mentally cursed again. But as he tried to understand what he had done to make her so upset, an idea came to his mind. A thought that made him both excessively hopeful and terrified.

"Ah. Are you angry about that girl at Ted's not-wedding?" Sounding so normal was hard. He wished he could let out the screaming voice in his chest, the one that begged to be heard. But that would mean exposing himself to rejection and pain. So he swallowed it back down.

"Why would I be? It's not like you don't sleep with everything that moves. It's not like I haven't always known that. It's not like I haven't helped you get lucky before."

He wanted to explain. Wanted to make sure she understood. But then, she couldn't understand. She would run away.

"Look, Robin. These women at the wedding…they meant nothing to me, they never do." Careful, Barney. Try not to sound so pathetic.

"These women? As in more than one? Not that I care."

But she sounded like she cared. And the way she kept twirling the ice cubes around in her almost empty glass said she cared. This was good. Too good.

"Listen, if I'd thought for a single second that I had another chance to be close to you, I would never…"

He was talking, just trying to explain the truth without giving too much away, when she cut him.

"What did you say?" For the first time in their conversation, she looked up. Her eyes were suspicious and surprised, but he didn't know why.

"What?"

"You said « to be close to you »" She explained, looking like she barely believed the words herself.

But he was screwed. Without meaning to, his words had betrayed him. Time to back paddle. Maybe complete and utter denial would work.

"No, I didn't." He tried to make it sound like it was the most preposterous thing ever. Like she was crazy to think he would say something like that."

"Yes, you did. Barney, I've never heard you say that before." But she didn't sound doubtful at all. She sounded very sure of herself. He could see her beginning to think about what it meant.

"I didn't say that. I said « to screw you » or « to do very degrading things to your body »." But he knew he sounded too desperate. And he could see that she wasn't even listening to him anymore.

"It's almost romantic." The word was said reluctantly. Like she didn't quite dare to associate him with anything romantic. "It's almost as if…." And he saw the realization come on her face. He saw the words form behind her eyes. "Oh my god! You like me!"

"What? " This was not going well.

"You do. You like me!" He didn't know what to do. Should he deny it? Should he flee? Should he make it sound like the idea itself was completely out-of-this-world crazy?

"Please." But he knew he sounded more pleading than derogatory. And his small laugh sounded more like a sob. And he knew she heard it too.

"Oh god. That's…I don't know….I should g-"She was standing up, gathering her purse to leave.

The iceberg had been hit; there was no denying it anymore. Time to take out the safety jackets and save the children.

"Listen, Robin, it's no big deal.» He couldn't see how she would believe it when he couldn't believe it himself, but he had to try. "Just a teeny tiny crush. It's not like I'm in love with you, haha."

That was the second time tonight that he put his foot in his mouth. He was losing it. Or maybe she was making him lose it.

"You're in love with me?!" Her eyes were wide. There was none of the happiness he had never dared to let himself hope for. She was just standing there, plain bewildered.

"No, I'm not, I just said I wasn't." He tried to deny it. He couldn't laugh anymore, he couldn't sneer. He could only listen to his own ridiculously high voice as he pleaded with her to believe him.

But it only convinced her more. And if he had been in any condition to appreciate it, he would have been glad she wasn't stupid enough to believe such an obvious, desperate attempt at denial.

"Oh god, you're in love with me." Now she looked a little sick. And he felt like he was about to cry, himself.

"Dammit, Scherbatsky." He put his face in his head. He couldn't think anymore. He needed a drink, he needed to be somewhere else, he needed this conversation to have never happened.

"I gotta go. I'm sorry. I should…..yeah." And she left.

Barney undid his tie in an angry move and threw it on the floor. No stupid suit would help him right now.


	2. Chapter 2

After a few moments of thought, and a few drinks, he decided he needed to talk to someone. He ran up to the apartment and knocked on the door. He didn't care what the time was; he needed Lily. Hopefully, she would come to the door and he wouldn't have to see Marshall naked again. That was an experience he was not ready to go through again.

« Lily! Lily, open the door! Lily! »

The door opened and there she was, in her pajamas. She didn't look as cross as he'd expected her to. Maybe she hadn't been sleeping. "Hi Barney"

He needed to get this off his chest now. "Lily, I just did the stupidest thing - oh" He started talking but as he walked inside the apartment, he saw something that made him stop. Or rather someone.

"Hey Barney" She looked extremely awkward standing in the living room. She must have run here directly after leaving him at the bar. Apparently he was not the only one who thought Lily was the go-to person for this type of problem.

"Hey Robin" He greeted her softly, feeling suddenly shy now that she knew how he really felt for her. He wasn't used to feeling so vulnerable. He used to be so awesome. He allowed himself a few seconds to be nostalgic of the times when he had virtually nothing to do and legions of uncomplicated bimbos would fall in his lap and in his bed.

After standing for a few seconds between with the look of someone who doesn't know why they are somewhere, Lily sighed and passed Robin to go back to her bedroom. He heard her whisper "Talk to him." in a low voice to Robin. He wondered what Robin had told her about what had happened between them.

Robin seemed to gather a breath and brace herself. "Barney, look, I'm sorry but I just don't – "

She did look sorry and that was what encouraged Barney to stop her. "Robin, please. I just want to talk to you. Just hear me out." He had to at least try. This would be his only chance and he knew it.

She didn't look like the idea pleased her very much. "Here? In Ted's living room?" She looked around with a touch of amusement. Obviously, having a conversation with the man who was in love with you in your ex's living room, when said ex also happens to be a very good friend – sorry, the best friend – of that man was not the brightest idea.

He hadn't thought about it before but they really were in the worst possible place for this. What would happen if Ted woke up and saw them? "Uh…no. Come to my apartment. "

He sounded calm, like this was the most logical course of action, but she wasn't convinced. "I'm not sure…."

"Your place?" He offered, trying to put her at ease.

But she didn't look any surer. "I don't think…."

He thought it was vaguely funny how afraid she seemed to be of being alone with him. But it was also exasperating. «Fine. How about the roof?"

She sighed. "Alright. " She had probably realized this was not something she could easily avoid. It hurt to see how very little she wanted to see him, now that she knew.

"Okay. After you." He wanted to be gallant. Supposedly, women liked that. Not that he had ever needed to be anything resembling gentleman-like to get laid until now. She looked about as doubtful as he felt. "I won't check out your ass, I swear." Yes, he would.

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, that's what I'm worried about right now."

They climbed unto the roof, which was deserted at this time of the night. He had met and seduced a lot of women here before but he couldn't think of any of them at this moment. There was only Robin. As soon as they reached the top, she turned to him.

"Look, Barney. I'm not going to deny our night together wasn't…."

He hadn't expected this turn of conversation, but if she wanted to talk about that, he wasn't going to object. He tried to supply the right word when she seemed unable to find the right adjective. 'Fantastic? Delightful? Legen-wait for it, oh please please, I can't wait anymore – dary?" He smiled winningly at her. He felt a little more confident now; jokes were easy and they didn't leave you wide open for brutal emotional heart stabbing.

She smirked a little and ignored all of his suggestions. "….Interesting." She seemed a little less ill at ease; maybe she too felt better when he was more like his usual, joking, confident, annoying self. "But…"

He stopped her there. "Robin. I won't pretend giving me a chance will be the smartest thing you've ever done." He didn't kid himself that he wasn't what seemed to be an unnecessary risk to her right now. "But it won't be the worst." He stepped closer to her and looked her in the eye. "I know I can change. For you, I want to." Actually, it wouldn't be that much of a change. He would only have to un-earth the old lovey-dovey Barney of years ago, only without the hippie hair and much more awesome.

She turned away from him. "Barney, I don't…" But there was some hesitation in her voice now that gave him some hope that maybe, this was not as hopeless as it seemed.

"Come on." His tone was light. He wanted to show her that he was still the same fun Barney, not always overly intense as he had been tonight. "What's the worst that could happen? It's not like we can ruin our friendship worse than it is now. "

She nodded and her lips quirked a little. "Right."

He kept going. "And you never know. You might find out you can have feelings for me." He really hoped she could. But they were great friends, had many common interests, enjoyed their time together and wanted approximately the same things from the future. Far stranger things had happened.

"And let's not forget the amazing sex ", she joked wryly.

But sex with her was no joking matter to him. "I haven't forgotten a second of it', he said softly and honestly.

She sighed. "Alright." Happiness blossomed in his heart. She had agreed! "But we'll take things slow. I'm not jumping into bed with you again. And if it's too slow for you, well, you can back out any time you want." She spoke sternly. Obviously, she was very serious about this taking it slow thing.

And he didn't mind. A single chance with Robin, no matter the limitations, was something he had been dreaming of ever since the accident. And maybe even before that. So he wasn't going to throw it away for anything. Anyhow, he still had all that porn in his apartment. "Great. That's perfect."

Her face was a mixture of irritation, disbelief and amusement. "Now go away. I'll call you tomorrow for our first date."

A first date. He was already nervous. "Alright. Good night." He wanted to lean over and kiss her cheek but refrained. He settled for a light touch on her wrist. "I promise you won't regret this."

She smiled slightly at him. "I already do. " He smiled too and left. Tomorrow would be awesome.

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